Thoughts of suicide are taken seriously. If you or someone you know is thinking of suicide call the crisis line at 1-800-892-8900, call 911, or go to the nearest emergency room.
Here are questions to consider after calling for a professional assessment. Report any "yes" answers to a physician or qualified healthcare professional.
- Is the individual expressing suicidal thoughts?
- Has the individual identified a method?
- Does the individual have access to a method or weapon?
- Is the individual complacent and accepting of the suicidal thoughts?
- Does the individual allow suicidal thoughts to occupy him or her?
- Does the individual deny having a support system?
- Has the individual made any preparations for his or her death?
- Does the individual refuse to engage in conversations about the future?
- Does the individual express feelings of guilt or blame for the misfortune of others?
- Does the individual experience frequent feelings of isolation, depressed affect, lethargy, short attention span, insomnia, or anorexia? Is there any substance use?
- Is the individual obsessing or focusing on an anniversary in the near future, or is feeling another sort of loss?
- Has the individual attempted suicide in the past?
- Have any family members, loved ones, or friends committed suicide?
- Any recent deaths of family or friends?
Here are some more questions that may be useful in a professional assessment.
- What is one thing that would help to change thoughts of suicide?
- Can you tolerate what you are feeling or the stress you are experiencing?
- Do you feel what you are feeling or the stress you are experiencing must stop now?
- Do you think your situation will improve?
- Do you see any way to accept yourself?
My prayers and thoughts are with my friend and colleague.
"Each time he came to me, except for the last time"™
Johnsburg mother remembers son who committed suicide
By SARAH SUTSCHEK - ssutschek@nwherald.com
Scott Walz first attempted suicide in the sixth grade.
"He said he tried in his room, and when he started to pass out, he got really scared," said Scott's mother, Nancy Walz. "He came down sobbing to me and told me what he did. Each time he came to me, except for the last time."
On March 4, Scott Walz hanged himself in his bedroom. He was 18 years old, only a few months shy of graduating from Johnsburg High School.
According to Mental Health America of Illinois, the 15-to-19 age group has the highest suicide attempt rate in Illinois and accounts for 6.5 percent of suicide deaths.
There have been 10 deaths ruled suicides in McHenry County so far this year, Deputy Coroner Robert Locke said. Scott's was the first confirmed teen suicide, followed by a 19-year-old in Crystal Lake, but police have handled at least one more death where the initial investigation indicated suicide.
Of the county's 29 suicides in 2009, only one was a teen, a 15-year-old.
A huge "Star Wars" fan, Scott used to have lightsaber battles with his best friend on top of a neighborhood hill.
He loved the band Queen, especially the song "Somebody to Love" and the video game "Gears of War"
Martial arts were a huge passion; he was a second-degree black belt who had begun to hone his weaponry skills, especially with the samurai sword. He also helped teach women's self-defense classes.
A member of the Johnsburg Police Explorers for three years, Scott wanted to be a police officer when he grew up, specifically a SWAT team member. He also wanted to run his own martial arts school.
At school, he was a member of the drama club, mostly working behind the scenes.
"I didn't realize until after his death just how much he did there, how passionate he was about drama club," Nancy Walz said.
He was called "Rafter Boy" for his work up in the catwalks, but he also had small roles in "Beauty and the Beast" and "Look Homeward, Angel."
Sitting on the living room couch, Nancy Walz held a teddy bear that Scott had been given. On its head was a badly worn Cubs hat that Scott would refuse to take off.
The things that often drove her crazy when her son was alive are now the things she hangs onto the most, she said. Like that smelly hat.
Scott's death has been hard on his brother and sister, 15-year-old twins Ryan and Emilie.
"I always teased Emilie and Scott, because I said, "Oh my gosh, you guys are the twins," Nancy Walz said. "They're so much alike."
Lunchtime has been especially difficult for Emilie, because that was when she would see Scott at school.
"Ryan is the thinker, the obsesser," Nancy Walz said. "It's starting to hit him now. Everybody's got their time frames in the grieving process."
The family constantly talks about Scott, she said.
"We talk about him in the present tense," she said. "We don't hide it."
Nancy Walz and her husband, David, wanted to give their children old-fashioned childhoods. Video game and TV use was limited. No dating until age 16. A hug before heading to school every day.
"While some parents would let their kids be on the computer for seven hours, I would have seven hours of laughter and hearing kids playing."
With depression on both sides of the family, Nancy Walz said she talked to her children about it early on, saying it would be easy for them to develop unhealthy behaviors.
Scott had many passions, but school was not one of them, Nancy Walz said. He wasn't considered learning disabled, but had trouble keeping up with lectures because of delayed speech-processing issues.
"Having the predisposition, having the speech and processing issues, having the bullying ... a lot of people can look as happy as can be, but then the demons come at night and when you're alone," Nancy Walz said. "For Scott, that's what would happen.
Nancy Walz said the bullying began in third grade. In the fifth grade, it became physical.
"There was a lot going on in fifth grade," she said. "His dog died; his best friend moved. The bullying was going on ... they were getting him in the bathroom, calling him all kinds of names during gym and recess."
After the first attempt in the sixth grade, Scott was hospitalized. While there, he told his mother that he tried to kill himself again in the bathroom.
He made another suicide attempt in 2008.
"That's when I knew it was just a matter of time," Nancy Walz said. "I had to face a parent's worst fear because now I knew there's a really good chance it was going to come true."
Many people say suicide is a selfish act, but Scott thought he was being selfless.
"In Scott's case, he truly believed and in his note, he said I'm a freak, I'm a creeper. Happy endings are for the good. I'm a burden and you'll see just how much better off you are without me," Nancy Walz said.
The Walzes aren't hiding, and they aren't ashamed. A banner hangs above their front door in his memory, and there are signs saying the family won't be silent.
As a clinical social worker for a private company, Nancy Walz said she made no secret of her son's struggles.
"In my work, people knew that I was human," she said. "Not everybody knew what was going on, but those who I felt it was clinically appropriate, I would say, "I know your struggle."
As if Scott had been going, the family went up to the high school before prom. They plan to attend the graduation ceremony for his class.
"I truly believe in all my heart [that] I used every resource I possibly could, that I did everything that we did everything as a family, as parents to save our son, Nancy Walz said.
But she couldn't save him from himself.
"I couldn't stop those thoughts in his head," Nancy Walz said. "Kids are struggling so bad with depression, and it's genetic, but it's more what's going on in their lives and how they're being treated."
Kevin Shelton, principal at Johnsburg High School, said that he spoke with both individual students and groups after Scott's death. There are two boxes available for students to drop in notes about their concerns, and a tip line is being created, he said.
The school had an assembly earlier in the year, Rachel's Challenge, focusing on positive behaviors and another one with a different speaker set up after Scott's death.
A suicide forum facilitated by a mother whose 19-year-old son committed suicide also is being held at the high school at 6 p.m. May 28. It is open to the public. Teachers also will attend training earlier in the day.
"I don't think you're going to find a junior high or a high school not trying to make sure bullying is not happening at their school," Shelton said.
While Nancy Walz doesn't blame anyone for her son's death "he made a choice," she said "parents need to be held accountable."
There are parents who are bullies, and they raise their children to be bullies, she said.
"It's not just a school problem. It's a community problem; it's a social problem," Nancy Walz said.
Copyright 2010 Northwest Herald. All rights reserved.
For those left behind: Survivors of Suicide Grief Support Group meets regularly
By SARAH SUTSCHEK - ssutschek@nwherald.com
Gigi Jabara is breaking a cycle of suicide.
Three members of her family her father, her grandfather, and her uncle have killed themselves.
On a Thursday night, Jabara and 10 other people, including her mother, gathered in a conference room at Centegra Hospital McHenry for a Survivors of Suicide meeting.
Some laughed at memories, others cried and dabbed at their eyes with tissues from boxes of Kleenex that later were tucked away in a cabinet for the next meeting. One woman didn't speak at all, but quietly wept, not ready to talk.
Any emotion was OK, and many were expressed, from frustration to laughter, as they reflected on memories.
Jabara called the members of the grief support group "the best group of people you never wanted to meet."
The group meets on at the hospital at 7 p.m. on the first Thursday of every month. Beginning June 15, additional meetings will be held the third Tuesday of every month at Centegra's primary care offices, 10450 W. Algonquin Road in Huntley.
Kelly Strand has been co-facilitator of the group for about three years. Her mother committed suicide about 12 years ago.
"It's been a long journey, but you do, unbelievably, manage to make it through," She said.
Laurri Lowe's 22-year-old daughter, Rosie, committed suicide in 2006 after mixing pills with alcohol.
Lowe, who lives in McHenry, said she didn't believe that Rosie meant for her attempt to be successful she took only five pills, had filled her gas tank that morning, and had bought a ticket for a Dave Matthews Band concert.
"I've been doing really, really good," Lowe told the group. She even felt almost back to a version of normal, but a few days before had found herself making a jerking movement with her hand.
"Out of nowhere I remembered Rosie was here, she died at this hospital she was unconscious and having seizures and was doing this with her hand," Lowe said. "I was like where did this come from? I've been doing so good!"
Several of the group members remarked on the difficulty in relationships with other members of their family affected by the suicide. Sometimes they're in need of an understanding ear, but don't want to bring others down. Sometimes the other person just won't listen or doesn't want to talk about it.
The survivors of a loved one who committed suicide said they still felt a stigma but that it appeared to be lessening.
Jabara said that after her uncle took his own life, her father took her brother aside and told him that only a weak person would kill himself. Her father later also took his own life.
"I've been wanting to say something to my brother about how we found this group and it's the best thing we've ever done in our lives because it's helped us on so many levels," Jabara said.
Her brother isn't receptive, but her friends have begun to realize that she won't get upset at the mention of her father. If it wasn't for her father, Jabara said, she wouldn't be who she is now.
"For the first time, my friends know more about my relatives who have committed suicide and how much it means to be an advocate for people now," Jabara said. "You find a new path to lead, and maybe find what you're supposed to do out of a bad situation."
To join
Survivors of Suicide Grief Support Group meets at 7 p.m. on the first Thursday of every month at Centegra Hospital McHenry in the Women's Health Center. Starting June 15, meetings will be at 7 p.m. at Centegra's primary care offices, 10450 W. Algonquin Road, Huntley, in the second-floor meeting room. For information, call 800-892-8900.
Copyright 2010 Northwest Herald. All rights reserved.
